One of Life's Journey's......

we all have many....... journeys of life that is. And sometimes those roads are bumpy, there were signs warning us, but we ignored them, and instead traveled down those roads awaiting an exciting or sometimes dangerous adventure. Sometimes the roads were smooth and pretty with scenery, but that was usually when you were looking out the window, as a passenger, on said journey of life. I have had many journeys which have led me to the far norths of Iowa to the far souths of Kentucky. This story is about another friend of mine and her journey. But before I can tell you about her I must tell you how I met her......


I was working at a telemarketing gig, which I've always been pretty good at, in the oil & gas industry. Being from a small town in Iowa, I had no knowledge or need for oil & gas investing, nor did I realize the fine lines drawn in the sand between the brokers and SEC. There are LOTS of shady oil & gas businesses and TONS of people going to jail and indicted for mail fraud and stealing people's money, but none of that concerned me, because where we worked we didn't deal with that end. All we did, as a group, was find qualified interested investors, other companies did the rest. My boss was a tyrant. Some would say, an asshole. If you asked others, cruel, mean, controlling, brainwashing and evil have been words used to describe The Great Tommy Caffee. I actually thought he was a great motivator and a good guy, (this is while I worked there) who had a dream and desires and put together a workforce he thought would accomplish these goals for him. He was hard and harsh and sometimes, yes, even an asshole, but it was his company and if you didn't like it you knew where the door was. I worked there for 4 yrs. and even though that doesn't sound long, in a company that employed 45 people yet hired 600 + per year, with that type of turnover rate I moved up the ladder quickly. Some people were fired for being a minute late to work, others for not performing as well as the rest, some were let go because they were targeted, it was a struggle to last as long as I did, but at the end of it all, I DID meet some truly wonderful friends... that I still have to this day 4 years later. One of the programs they had at work was a type of mentoring program where people with success in the company would mentor those having difficulties in order to try and help them do better or get the knack of telemarketing, so to speak. I was involved in this program and my assignment was to mentor a 19 year old girl named Cindy.

What I knew of Cindy wasn't much, she was quiet, stayed to herself, a cute little girl, brown hair, big brown eyes, pretty face, a "Cinderella" in the rough. We started hanging out at work and sure enough, she did get better. Since most of my life I tended to bond in my relationships with those who were in need of help or those I thought I could fix, Cindy and I not only bonded but became pretty good friends. We would hang together at my house. She would teach my daughter about high heels and make-up and fingernail polish, she was definitely a girly-girl and together they were like peas and carrots. As she got older and acquired more independence she started making some good and bad choices as far as her peers and I tried like any good friend to guide her. To suggest maybe who was really trying to be with you or just using you for your car. Who your friends were and who your FRIENDS were. We had these discussions often and even though I wasn't her mother I knew she looked up to me and I knew she heard what I said. She sometimes agreed and sometimes probably didn't want to hear it, but nevertheless, she made all her own choices.

She had ups and downs in her life.... mostly because of who she hung around with and sure enough sooner or later it did catch up to her. A boyfriend used her car to give a friend a ride home and they were pulled over and searched and low and behold there were drugs in her car. In the backseat behind the passenger seat. Charges were dropped later on Cindy, but in the meantime she made other choices that left her in deeper trouble.

When I was going through boyfriend troubles, it was Cindy who came to cheer me up. It was Cindy who stayed on my couch so I wouldn't be alone. It was Cindy that distracted my kids while I cried and mourned the loss. She made them laugh. She helped us forget the pain we were going through. It was Cindy, who respected me and my kids enough to take time out of her "thug" life to help heal me. Cindy had officially become part of our family. I will never be able to repay her for that or tell her thank you enough... she was a healer, and when I was always the one who motivated and lifted her spirits, she swooped in and saved the day.

Cindy had three close girly- friends from high school that she had run around with since forever and this was her crew. As each one got closer to 21 the more parties began and the rougher the crowd they seemed to be hanging with. Not long after her first arrest, her and one of her friends were again pulled over and this time they both had possession of weed and paraphernalia and both high school buddies were carted off to jail. When Cindy was finally released she learned her buddy was already out of jail, the same day as the arrest. She had wrote a statement against Cindy and no charges were then filed on her. Because of this and it being a second arrest Cindy was ordered to attend rehab and drug court. While she was there we lost contact.... for more than one reason ( my kids, my future, etc. ) I could no longer surround myself with her choices. It didn't mean I didn't support her, I just had to distance myself from her lifestyle. She was trying to live a "thug life", while I was trying to raise two kids. Really didn't mesh.....

When I no longer worked for the company in 2006 we remained friends and kept in close contact. Sometimes she would come to the house and we would sit in front of the TV for hours watching the Bachelor and talking about who He should end up with. Because of her troubles Cindy always had to be home and by a phone in case drug court called. She had to remain in her mom's house, supervised, and she was determined to change. She had a slight realization that those friends she had, may not be that good of friends after all.



On June 19th 2008 our lives turned drastically!



My family was scheduled to leave out of the country the next day for a week long trip to Canada. We were ecstatic and Cindy would be house sitting and taking care of our dogs. She was also excited because she wasn't gonna be stuck under her mom's roof, and would have free reign of our remote control... and WE HAD CABLE! My fiancee and I had gone over our HUGE list of friends, and of all those that could house sit, we knew she would be able to be there the most, plus, we knew she wouldn't have parties or destroy anything, she respected us. She was there for rest, relaxation and peace, and WE didn't want to worry about the house or our dogs while on vacation. A win-win situation for all. Cindy's mother called me in the afternoon on the 19th of June to inform me that Cindy had been arrested, along with another high-school buddy, April. April's boyfriend was a HUGE drug dealer in town and was indicted with 27 kilos of cocaine and over 100 "ex"stasy pills. "Operation Smooth Sailing" is what the local police department called it and lots of arrests were made. Cindy was one of four being held. All of them were given an opportunity to write a statement in their defense, and each were told if they did in fact write this statement, the District Attorney would recommend release until trial. When it was Cindy's turn she wrote her statement so she also could leave, but when she went in front of the judge the next morning, they recommended instead that she be held, due to her previous charges.

Since it was a federal case she was kept, hauled back to jail, and left to rot until a federal court date was set. Cindy was the only girl they kept in jail. April, her high school buddy told her, "she just couldn't do jail time.. she knew she wouldn't last," but Cindy on the other hand had been in jail before and so therefore April was prepared to let her friend Cindy take the rap for this. Their other high school buddy, Daisy, who was in the car with her during her second charge and wrote a statement against Cindy then, turned state's evidence against Cindy and April's boyfriend this time. Even went up to Frankfort and testified against them, and no charges were filed on her as well. ALL of these girls reaped benefits from April's boyfriend's drug dealing.... he paid April's rent, he paid his own rent, he gave out money freely, for nails and tanning and shopping, he provided for nights out, hotel rooms, parties, they all were taken care of. Cindy paid for her own rent but did get in on the parties and freebies. It was too hard to resist. April, being the girlfriend probably reaped the most benefits and to this day she has only served one day in jail.

While Cindy was incarcerated I went to visit her. I tried to get there at least once a month at first. My daughter visited, my son...... none of Cindy's high school buddies came. She never got one visit. Her mom came and I came... everyone else put her out of sight, out of mind and went on with their lives. Cindy, the girl who was trying to change, could not move on with her life because she was stuck in jail. Life is not fair and all should of been punished. But life plays funny games and roads traveled aren't always smooth sailing roads. When I would visit she would talk about her "thug life".... how she missed it... how she missed her friends... how she couldn't believe they just left her there but she was forgiving and ready to do whatever she had to to get out. She was stubborn and thought she wouldn't need to change her surroundings, just make better choices. She wrote her friends, who didn't write back. She wrote her boyfriend who also seldom responded.... time was slowly ticking away and her life was stuck in limbo. When her lawyer got the discovery for her case, he informed her that her statement alone was enough to convict her. The very statement they promised would set her free. She would have no choice but to wait until trial. She was frustrated, hurt, and betrayed. How could they not do anything to help her? How could the system let her down and misrepresent themselves? She was heartbroken. Sometimes she would cry of loneliness when I visited, sometimes she would cry just because she missed socialization. Sometimes we would cry together but no matter what, I was there for her when no one else was. My mom always told me when everyone else lets you down and leaves... I will be there.... and Cindy's mom must of also felt that way because no mater what she was always there for her daughter.

For Cindy, life in jail was not easy. Crazy women, fighting, arguing, counting the days of being locked down, missing out on her brothers growing up, as well as her mother being diagnosed with cancer. It was a lot for a 22 yr. old to deal with, incarcerated with no way to help. After spending a second birthday there this past March, Cindy made a decision : out with the old and in with the new. She dumped the jailbird boyfriend, chose not to have communication with those friends that had let her down so many times before, and move on with her life.. For Her.

Every time I would visit we would talk about life choices and she would say "she was not hanging around with those people anymore, she was going to go to school to be a cosmetologist". Perfect for the girl who used to do my daughter's hair and nails before this terrible nightmare had separated the two of them. She had really grown up and I was convinced whenever freedom would come for her she would be ready. Ready to make responsible, good choices, ready to face the world, work for the money, Do The Right Thing. She was ready. She had grown up, the hard way.

I went to visit her again this past October and she informed me that finally they had set a trial date and sentencing for her in early November. By now she had been incarcerated for 17 months. Seventeen months of not being able to hug your mom, watch your high school brother get into the trouble and seventeen months of not going out and hanging at the local clubs with her friends. Seventeen months of staring at the same guards and same walls and knowing your only contact with the outside world usually came on visiting day when Mom would show up. She said her lawyer was going to try to get her a minimum sentence since she had been incarcerated for so long, and she was hoping for the best.

On November third a miracle happened. Cindy was sentenced to two years probation and released from jail. Yes.....FREE! Her friend April was also sentenced and although the judge did not know the whole story as I did, he sentenced April also to two years probation and 1 day of jail, already served. Life isn't fair and Cindy learned the hard way. She paid for her friends. She paid with time. While they went on with their lives, had babies, got married, graduated from college, moved from place to place, Cindy sat behind those same walls and paid.

Cindy has come over since her release and my daughter and her have already done hair and dress-up. Make-up is next visit I'm sure. She has been in contact with her old high school girly-friends who are trying their best to seek forgiveness as their guilt continues to eat away at them, and Cindy has a heart and will probably forgive. Hopefully she will stay clear of their "night's out" and remember that these girls were not her friends for those 17 months of hell and she has already paid dearly for them. Hopefully she will not forget those days she was all alone when they forgot about her.

My mentoring days with Cindy were over years ago, but she still seeks my advice and I gladly tell her what I have experienced and what the outcomes will be. She is a strong girl who has become a tough woman with a hard shell around the heart that was always readily available. She will succeed, She will become better than the friends that left her behind. She will become an inspiration to my daughter who already idolizes her beauty and femininity. Life's journey had gotten her off the bumpy road she detoured thru, and has given her a chance to ride down a new road.... A road to recovery..... A road to salvation...... A road to peace and tranquility............

Roll On Sister........